My feelings, my conflict and my struggle. Am I affiliate material or what?

Since I lost my job due to the coronavirus. I've felt my world collapse. I thought all these months I was just being furloughed until my boss made it clear I'm not coming back to work and he was also distraught.

When I lost my job I stumbled onto Legion, an affiliate marketing business structure (that I've been blacklisted now because my life fell into chaos). It was then I was "plucked" by someone who works for another affiliate marketing thing called Exitus Elite. I took the G250 package and I learned how to boost Facebook algorithms and I can still use it till the end of May 2021, by then I will highly likely not renew my subscription. The problem wasn't that I felt that I was tricked into joining a pyramid scheme, although I can certainly believe that. The thing is I've spoken to quite a few entrepreneurs who say that it's worked very well for them. My mentor on the other hand didn't give me a clear path, just to do what's needed to boost Facebook algorithms and to speak to at least 20 people, then try to pitch them Exitus Elite. It didn't work out because I didn't know what to do with objections and when asked about what it is. I was told to just link up with my mentor and to see if he can do the talking. He didn't succeed in getting anyone recruited in my name. Now he's apparently gone off to some other venture and hasn't posted anything in Facebook for weeks


Since then I've bounced all over the place looking at various webinar training videos and as much as I want to say I've learned a few things on these webinars that were free and that I've written them down, I found that putting them into practice is difficult due to so much crap in my head. Either way, I think the biggest problem I'm struggling with is the commitment to any program that promises to help me make money online through a social media platform. My keeps telling me that I can't afford it, even though I've got thousands of pounds in my bank account. Part of me knows it's part of a Student Loan and if I get a five-figure job, I'll have to pay it back, IMO, I need to sort out something to help pay it back sooner, rather then later. and it doesn't help that I feel like I haven't got the right equipment. Maybe I also need a coach in the world of business?


It also doesn't help that I keep thinking about my parents who keep saying "No" to any business opportunity. My Mum is very much convinced that those who are rich will lie to their students to get rich on the backs of people like me. Some of the entrepreneurs say that they would like nothing more than for me to succeed in doing a business opportunity. Which is interesting that the most recent one I saw was offering a money-back guarantee should it not work out for me if I invested into it that day. I didn't in part because I was worried about my parents thinking they will have to freeze my accounts if I do any more investing in any business ventures. Mum tells me to wait until you finish your Environmental Science course, get a well-paid job, and then try out a business venture.


I'm constantly told by a lot of people that going to Greenwich University is a very important opportunity that many would strive for. I've also learned that they host many social events and among them, I heard were gaming clubs. All the more reason I want to stay at the University. I just keep thinking about trying to earn some money on the side. Part of me thinks it should be through social media and another part wants me to find another job as well as the one I'm currently using, which is an office cleaning job. I know I can't live on that job alone. The Flat's expenses are just too high for it. I just hope that Claire can give me another office and/or I find another job or something. I'm not against working night shifts. I definitely need to wait and see if I can cope with the workload and the requirements the University demands out of me.


I remember one of them called Brad, telling me to stick to one thing and laser focus on it. So what do I want to laser focus on? I think I would like to do Youtube and then use Facebook as well. I also get sidetracked by other things and I need to cast them aside as best as I can.


Part of me wants to start by doing let's plays and walkthroughs of the games in my collection. I have hundreds of games and It would be stupid not to do some kind of playthrough, but I believe, rightly or wrongly that I need the right equipment to do it, I have, so far, an Elgato device that can be used for my Xbox. I think I need a laptop for it though. We are in the planning stages but I find listening very hard for me. I want the right laptop for the job. I also think I need a camera of some kind to record the games and a microphone to be heard on the channel.


I also want to do vlogs about myself and my autism. There's no shortage of videos of my childhood on VHS cassettes and Dad and I are going through them with the intention of creating a couple of DVDs. I on the other hand want to make them into a project that could also be uploaded into Youtube into some deep meaning about how Coronavirus has affected me. But I think my mindset is hampering whatever progress I'm trying to achieve. I keep thinking I need to make money and I'm sure any entrepreneur would tell you that's fatal thinking. I just need to know how to change that.

What doesn't help is that say I join a business venture online or in Greenwich University out of that contest that is being hosted and will likely end by November. Say I managed to make a lot of money out of that venture and I managed to succeed in getting a return of my investment, what then? I'm worried about how the government would respond if I managed to make quite a bit of money. I feel like they're also watching over me and they probably have more power than my parents. 

Arnold Schwarzenegger said this quote"

"Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."


Say I do succeed and in the future earn a six-figure income, be it business or a job that I work 9-5, what would I do with the money? I'd rather donate it to charity, in particular environmental causes. I think that also doesn't help me with my path either. It's tragic.


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